THE KANSAS CITY STAR, November 19, 2000, Sunday, Pg. B7

When a state is a target for ridicule

RICH HOOD; Editorial Page Editor

    Last year, when the Kansas State Board of Education decided to
de-emphasize the importance of teaching evolution in science classes,
Kansas became the target of national and international derision.

    Never mind that many news media outlets misreported what the
state board actually did - it did not eliminate the teaching of
evolution. Nor, as some media reports declared, did the board impose
the teaching of creationism instead of science.

    Instead, the state board removed questions about evolution from
statewide testing and permitted local school boards to determine for
themselves how science curriculum would be taught.

      The bottom line for media pundits, late night television hosts
and jokesters of all stripes, however, was that Kansas had displayed
its surpassing ignorance in full view of the world. And Kansas paid
the price in endless satires, comedies and spoofs about how ignorant,
unlearned and unsophisticated Kansans were.

    Now, with the stakes much higher, Florida has taken Kansas' place as
the premier repository of ignorance in these United States.

    Although some of the official pronouncements by various Florida
politicians or their lackeys have been as off putting as official
accusations and defenses during the Kansas evolution fracas, the
ignorance capital of the Sunshine State has to be located in Palm
Beach County.

    It was there that the now-infamous butterfly ballot allegedly was so
complex and confusing that some 19,000 Palm Beach residents followed
directions so well they voted for two presidential candidates instead of
the one they were allotted. That caused the ballots to be tossed out as
invalid because even Floridians can understand that two votes for one
office is one too many.

    It was also in Palm Beach County where Pat Buchanan received
3,000-odd votes, and many Democratic voters have now convinced
themselves that they accidentally punched out Buchanan's name when
they meant to punch Al Gore's chad.

    It's true that the Palm Beach ballot, which has been widely
reprinted, reviewed and reviled, is a tad confusing. But teachers and
psychologists in some supposedly more backward states than Florida have
asked second-graders and third-graders to fill out the butterfly ballot,
and the kids have managed to do so with surpassing ease.

    So while political scientists engage in heavy-duty lectures about the
sanctity of voting and political activists nurse grudges and engage in
self-serving spin, the Internet is full of jokes ridiculing Florida.

    "Why do Palm Beach Floridians have T.G.I.F. written on their
shoes?" goes one such entry. "To explain that Toes Go in First."

    Others include jibes like these: "Why did the Palm Beach
Floridian stare at the can of frozen orange juice? Because it said
Concentrate.

    "Why can't Palm Beach Floridians dial 911? They can't find 11 on
the phone.

    "Three Palm Beach Floridians were driving to Disneyland. After
being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said
'Disneyland Left' so they turned around and went home."

    The Internet jokes and the farces that have played out on
national television as Floridians attempt to recount the re-count of
the latest re-count have struck a blow at the image Florida has
sought to peddle to the rest of the world.

    The massive outbreak of ignorance or electoral illiteracy in
Florida has been burned into the national and international
consciousness by nonstop cable television coverage.

    The on-again, off-again outbreaks of pregnant chads have been the
source of derisive merriment.

    The spur-of-the-moment improvisational nature of Florida's vote
re-counting rules and methods have made a mockery of orderly
procedure.

    The pompous public pronouncements by various Florida politicians
and their gold-plated spokespersons - not to mention the legions of
lawyers, native and imported - have seriously tarnished the image of
a state previously associated with nothing more threatening than
alligators, pre-cancerous sunburn and overlarge mouse ears.

    - Rich Hood leads The Star's Editorial Board. His column appears
on Sundays. To reach him call (816) 234-4421 or send e-mail to rhood@kcstar.com

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